Why Marriage Feels So Hard—and How Surrender Can Help

I was furious, confused, and terrified all at the same time. My heart raced as I gripped the edge of the hospital bed, trying to stay calm, trying to stay in control. I was certain that, with my body fit and strong, I could handle whatever was coming. But the moment the first intense wave of pain hit, a sobering realisation crashed over me—I wasn’t ready. I was out of my depth.

The hours blurred together, the pain growing fiercer with each contraction. Sweat beaded on my forehead as I struggled to breathe, my mind racing for a way out. And then I heard it: my mum’s calm, ridiculous suggestion. “Relax your eyebrows,” she said.

Relax my eyebrows? Was she serious? A sharp anger bubbled up inside me. How could she possibly suggest something so small and meaningless when I was in so much pain? The urge to yell at her was overwhelming—to scream that I was drowning in pain and that relaxed eyebrows wouldn’t help! I tried to push her words out of my mind, but they lingered, hovering at the edges of my thoughts.

Fast forward to my second pregnancy. As the contractions started, a familiar fear tugged at me. But this time was different. This time, I was prepared. I knew what was coming, and more importantly, I knew how to face it. My mum’s words echoed in my head once again—relax your eyebrows. And suddenly, I understood. It wasn’t about the eyebrows, but about surrender. About releasing my grip, loosening my fear, and allowing the experience to wash over me. This time, I didn’t fight the pain. I let it flow through me. I surrendered to it. And something amazing happened—I felt peace. So much peace that I dozed off on my living room floor between contractions. The labour moved faster, smoother, almost effortlessly. When it was finally time to push, I was calm, steady, and ready.

That memory is one of my most treasured, not just because of the miracle of birth, but because of the lesson it taught me—a lesson I wish I had carried into my marriage. But it wasn’t until years later, after learning The Six Intimacy Skills™, that I truly understood how to apply it.

Marriage, much like childbirth, didn’t unfold the way I thought it would. In the beginning, I believed love would carry us through any storm, that the strength of our bond would shield us from the challenges of life. But reality crept in, and the storms came anyway. And just like during that first labour, I found myself fighting, resisting, determined to control every aspect of my relationship.

I expected things to go my way. When they didn’t, I pushed harder. But the harder I pushed, the more difficult it became. Arguments stretched on for days, resentment bubbled beneath the surface, and everything felt tense.

When I learned The Six Intimacy Skills™, everything started to click. I realised that surrendering didn’t mean giving up—it meant leaning into my feminine energy instead of defaulting to my fight response. Everything shifted when I learned to let go of my need for control. I began to soften. I stopped reacting, and instead, I took a breath and paused when disagreements arose.

And something extraordinary happened. My marriage, like that second labour, began to move with greater ease. The stress lifted, the tension dissolved, and a new kind of intimacy took its place. It was as if, by surrendering—this time with the skills to guide me—I’d unlocked a secret doorway to the kind of connection I’d always craved.

But surrendering didn’t come naturally to me at first. In fact, it felt counterintuitive. My instincts told me to fight, to protect, to control. But once I embraced the gentle power of my feminine energy through The Six Intimacy Skills™, I saw every one of my relationships transform.

Where there was once bitterness and sadness, there’s now warmth and joy. My home is no longer filled with tension, but with laughter and playfulness. My husband and I share a passion I never thought possible—one that deepened when I stopped trying to control everything and started trusting the process.

The similarities between childbirth and marriage are striking. In both, there’s a moment when you realise that resistance only makes the journey harder. You can try to fight the pain, the discomfort, the unexpected twists—but in doing so, you only prolong the struggle. Or you can surrender. Surrender to the process. Surrender to the unknown. And in that surrender, you’ll find peace.

For me, surrendering in my marriage didn’t mean losing myself. It meant finding my true self, the one connected to my deepest values. It meant becoming more cherished and adored than I ever imagined possible.

If you’re feeling stuck in your marriage—if the journey feels harder than it should—take it from someone who’s been there. There’s another way. A way to move from struggle to ease, from tension to connection. It starts with surrender.

If you want to learn more about how surrendering, or how becoming empowered, can flip your marriage from painful and stressful to one of deep intimacy and connection, sign up for my next FREE talk through the link below. Or, if you’re ready to dive in right now, book a discovery call. I can’t wait to support you on your journey to a peaceful life.